From a five year old.
Yesterday my cousin's little girl says to me:
Addy: Are you marrrried?
Me: Nope.
Addy: Are you aboooout to be?
Me: Nope.
Addy: Are you eeeever gonna be?'
Me: ... Probably not
Addy: Bad choice...
Me: {silence}
I got reprimanded by a 5 year old! And she gave me this look like she disapproved, but she's 5. And what does she really know anyways?
I mean, seriously.
I clearly need to start chatting with her more. She's cheaper than a therapist and she'll tell it to me how it is. According to a 5 year old. (:
10.28.2012
10.18.2012
Sometimes
you just have to let go.
Now, this sounds much easier than it actually is. Realistically, that is. How do you know when you're ready to do that. Are you ever ready?
Letting go means that you're forgiving someone, for something (or things) that they've done to you. To hurt you. To discourage you; trying to be your undoing. Letting go means you're accepting an apology that you never got. Okay, let's be real- you might never get it. Letting go means you're allowing yourself to be vulnerable again. That truly takes being the bigger person. How cliche does that sound, I know...
My journey thus far as a single mother has not been easy. With that being said, let me be perfectly clear that every single minute of it has been more than worth it. I am a completely single parent. Bryan has no interaction with Brylee, and I think when we first split he gave me $120. He hasn't seen, or attempted to see our daughter since last November. eleven months. No Christmas presents, no birthday cards... nothing. This breaks my heart more than it makes me upset. I simply cannot comprehend how anyone can walk away from their child. It took a very long time for me to let go of the anger that I had towards him for abandoning her. She deserves more than that.
I would be lying if I said that I didn't live everyday with a small amount of fear that he's just going to show up one day and want to wedge himself into a life she's created for herself. And I would never stop that if it were to happen. The fear part of that is that there's always the possibility he'll walk away from her again. How do I protect and defend her from that happening? The answer is I can't. And that scares the living hell out of me. I have enough terrible things in this world to worry about protecting her from. I don't need to add her father entering and exiting his life as he pleases. But, that's my reality.
Sometimes, you have to take it one day at a time.
And sometimes, you just focus on what matters most- this little mini:
.jpg)
Now, this sounds much easier than it actually is. Realistically, that is. How do you know when you're ready to do that. Are you ever ready?
Letting go means that you're forgiving someone, for something (or things) that they've done to you. To hurt you. To discourage you; trying to be your undoing. Letting go means you're accepting an apology that you never got. Okay, let's be real- you might never get it. Letting go means you're allowing yourself to be vulnerable again. That truly takes being the bigger person. How cliche does that sound, I know...
My journey thus far as a single mother has not been easy. With that being said, let me be perfectly clear that every single minute of it has been more than worth it. I am a completely single parent. Bryan has no interaction with Brylee, and I think when we first split he gave me $120. He hasn't seen, or attempted to see our daughter since last November. eleven months. No Christmas presents, no birthday cards... nothing. This breaks my heart more than it makes me upset. I simply cannot comprehend how anyone can walk away from their child. It took a very long time for me to let go of the anger that I had towards him for abandoning her. She deserves more than that.
I would be lying if I said that I didn't live everyday with a small amount of fear that he's just going to show up one day and want to wedge himself into a life she's created for herself. And I would never stop that if it were to happen. The fear part of that is that there's always the possibility he'll walk away from her again. How do I protect and defend her from that happening? The answer is I can't. And that scares the living hell out of me. I have enough terrible things in this world to worry about protecting her from. I don't need to add her father entering and exiting his life as he pleases. But, that's my reality.
Sometimes, you have to take it one day at a time.
And sometimes, you just focus on what matters most- this little mini:
.jpg)
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